mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
