paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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