Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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