Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
