Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
