Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
