grandma shit on top of the toilet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just gargled with NyQuil
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
