I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
