if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
