Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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