do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
