Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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