the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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