in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
