Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
