Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
