Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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