If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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