I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
