That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
