you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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