How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
