The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They have beer where we have blood.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
