cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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