I think I died a long time ago.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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