Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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