Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
