yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
