he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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