Everything about him screamed your future.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
