Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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