Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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