i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
