I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
