he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
