Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
