I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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