Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
