This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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