glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
