So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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