What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The feeling are messing with the penis
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
