Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
