So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
