I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
