youre lurking in front of me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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