mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
