i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
