I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
