i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
