Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
